Friday, May 31, 2013

My first born.

"Khage, my little boy, our precious first born, and very soon to be big brother. Sometimes when you call out for me all I can do is smile because two years and five months later it still shocks me to the core that some little being calls me Mama. When I imagined what you would be like before I even met you I never considered the notion that you wouldn't be purely pieces borrowed from your Daddy and I, but also little bits of your own peculiar self all compiled together to form one imperfectly perfect child. You are my first real and true selfless love. I didn't grow to love you over time, I don't take away pieces of my love based on your actions and overtime I only manage to cram my overflowing heart with more and more precious memories that include your adorable face. As you lay in my bed napping I sit here scribbling this post because I'm worried how life will change for you in a few short days with Harlyn's birth. I'm worried I haven't told you enough how much I love you. And looking back I fear that I have not made it perfectly clear that my heart bursts daily when you hold my hand, or wrap your arms around my neck and kiss me with your little puckered lips. I love you Khagey with all that I am."

These were a few words I jotted down days before your sister was born. I don't remember what caused me to not publish this post that day but the fears I was carrying were weighing heavy on my heart and I just couldn't stand that your life was going to be changing. Looking back it was all so petty; my fear of splitting the love that I had for you was in retrospect quite silly... my heart is certainly big enough for you and your sister. Nothing got cut in half, everything just grew.

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