Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Dont Judge

Your kitchen too would look like this if an intruder decided to invade your home.

No.
Stop.
Don't freak out.

We weren't robbed.... Your so dramatic. Why in the world would a burglar upturn the oven? I don't hide my none-existent gems and diamonds under the stove, although that would be genius. Genius, before I blasted out my newly discovered secret hiding location on the web.

It wasn't a vandalizer or a thief, instead it was a dirty, stinky little house mouse. Although he didn't have intentions of taking off with our goods, I still feel violated by his mere presence. Khage on the other hand wanted to keep him. We met in the middle: releasing him near the wash by our house.

Tell me this? Should I be worried about my cleanliness if a mouse chose this particular place to pillage? Originally, I thought of myself as a clean person. I sweep multiple times a day and frantically wipedown the counters just about everytime I come into the kitchen. Seems I'm gonna need to step up my game to ward off future intruders... after all he knows where we live.

And don't worry about the toddler completely unsupervised on the counter... pretend the floor below her is scattered with pillows. It wasn't. But pretend. If the fictitious pillow safety feature isn't enough for you, Daddys in the diving with a 50 50 chance of catching her range. Believe dat.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Halloween 2014

I'm going to ask you to ignore the date today. Pretend like were pals and do me this solid. It is a week before Christmas and less then three weeks before the new year... that computes to a hearty seven weeks too late for this post. All is fair in love and laziness.

I had such plans for this Halloween. Khage was gonna be a cowboy... a rumblin tumblin child of the West, complete with homemade vest and chaps....

Then he saw an Optimus Prime costume. So I did what any mother would do, I tried to bribe him. I attempted to lure him over with talk of guns and a holster, but that boy cant be bought. He wants what he wants, and boy wants to be Optimus.






Do you see the look in his eyes? That doesn't come with the costume my friends, that's all Khage getting deep into the character. Once the mask went on, he transformed (eh? eh?) into a whole new guy. So much in fact he sometimes referred to me by my first name.
Jamee, will you roll my sleeves please? 
Jamee, can you help me put on my mask?
Thank you, Jamee.
At least his character maintained a constant state of politeness.

Harlyn's costume was also incredibly store bought, but one which we already had on hand. I pulled it out of her closet and said to her wanna be a chicken and she just continued to blank stare at me for an uncomfortable amount of time... I happily took that as a yes. I have always wanted my kids to share a costume. Have the one costume that no matter what they all wore it at least once. Then later I could look back and play a little game of who wore it better.

Your right, that is weird.

Enter chicken costume round two. Remember round one?





Maybe next year I will get around to posting Halloween pictures while not conjunctionally shopping online for Christmas gifts. Let us add that to my endless list of resolutions that will never be fulfilled. Just squeeze it onto the list... maybe before Make Khage and Harlyn wear coordinating costumes but after Convince Brad to dress up as the Phantom of the Opera. Oh how that Phantom has wooed me.

Happy Halloween friends.

You agreed to fudge on today's date remember?

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

18 Months


Yesterday our littlest lover turned eighteen months. Our Harley Belle has grown up so quick in the past few months that I feel completely blindsided. 
 
A few facts about our sweet little girl:
She's really not that sweet anymore, if provoked, she will hit you
She loves string cheese and homemade black beans
She screams all the time, for everything and nothing
She is potty trained but still sleeps in a diaper
She mumbles words and mimics tones
Right when she wakes up the first thing she wants is water
She is incredibly sensitive, just about everything hurts her feelings
She loves playing with her baby dolls or play food
She will go and rub Khage's back whenever he's crying
If we threaten to spank her she will finally mind us
If she wakes up fully from 9 to midnight she will not fall asleep for hours after
She loves petting Baggera but highly dislikes Koda
She says bye with a country twang
She is just now growing out of 12 -18 month clothes
She is in that frumpalump awkward hair stage
She will randomly give just because kisses
Shoes and socks are her obsession
and
Although she is incredible saucy at times, she will always be our precious little darling.
To the moon and back with love for this girl.

 
 
 
 

Saturday, November 15, 2014

EVERYONES DOING IT

Sometimes I just wish I could give one of my kid props and the other one not get an itch to do something else equally impressive. Sometimes it would be nice to say hey person, look at what amazing thing this one kid of mine is doing without the other one getting all territorial over my admiration. I have got kids over here trying to one up eachother in incredible feats and monumental milestones. Ugh, what a life I lead with incredibly skilled and quick learning progenies.

Now read that again with a sarcastic tone.

Once Harlyn caught site of Khage getting his own featured blog post about riding his bike without training wheels, she decided to raise the bar.

And with the bar she also decided to raise the roof. Raise the roof people, because my little girl, not even 18 months old is potty trained.

Woop woop.
Poop poop.

Don't act like you don't see that turd. Its not the size that matters here, I'm just happy that lil guy didn't funnel down her pant leg and make itself comfortable on the carpet somewhere.... aaaaaanyway.

She stopped wearing diapers during the day over 3 weeks ago. She does occasionally have accidents and she continues to wear diapers during naps... AND that's all your gonna get from me in terms of playing down this amazing accomplishment.


Brad and I laugh because she has no desire to talk, but darn it the girl wants to potty like the rest of.







Sunday, October 19, 2014

ITS LIKE RIDING A BIKE

I hate those parents who are always like my kids the smartest kid in the world because 1. its pretty obnoxious and 2. its not true because mine is.

...

I know, hate me if you will but I totally feel like that sometimes. My kid really is the smartest kid ever

Khage has officially learned to ride a bike, a big boy one with no training wheels. And while it doesn't take a genius to ride a bike,  it does take coordination, dedication and that raw fearlessness. All traits of Einstein I am sure. Not a foreshadowing, just an observation.

I am a combination of shocked, proud and sad over Khage meeting this milestone head on. Brad ran holding onto him for all of 50 yards before Khage no longer needed him. He fell only once before he was riding that bike like he has been secretly sneaking off to lessons in the middle of the night. Sidenote: He hasn't, trust me. I alarm the house at night so as to catch him with his body half out a window mid escape...

Enough from me, watch my baby not be a baby anymore.



That was only Khage's second time on a bike and now he's going off curbs, down driveways and pedaling while standing up. Add impressed to the cocktail of emotions I have got going on right now.



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

HARLYN AND HER PAINTED TOES


That's what happens when you leave Harlyn at Nana's house.

Brad and I took the stand against nail polish on babies well before Harlyn was born, obviously we didn't memo everyone. Khage confessed to me that half way through the paint job he told Nana Mommy says nail polish IS NOT for little girls. Seems that little tidbit didn't halter her any.

And obviously because Nana is a grandparent she gets a free pass for just about everything, which is why I saw the pink painted toes, simply smiled and said nothing of my disapproval.

And thanks to this post that she's probably reading right now, I wont ever have to. hi mom.

Of course were not truly upset over Harlyn's toes being painted, after all its just nail polish and it chipped off in less then a week. That aut to teach you not to pass on the top coat. 

And if anyone feels like testing our free pass theory, be aware... pierced ears are not included in that decree. That action will not go unpunished. Insert smiley face emoticon followed up by emoticon dagger, so you know were being playful but we also mean business.


Friday, October 10, 2014

SO WE MEET AGAIN

Oh how I have missed you. You being my blog... but because I'm feeling super affectionate I will throw one of those missed you's at you too random reader. Unless your my mom... because I just saw you.

Now imagine me sitting at my desk lovingly petting my blog. After six years this blog has weaseled its way into my heart and I just don't feel right when I abandon it for weeks on end. But it was for a good cause, a cause that may benefit this blog... but probably not. I'm back in school, taking a few courses... and I would like to tell you that may translate into less run on sentences but who am I kidding that's my calling card. My professors hate it I am sure, but you guys like it right? Right? Hello. Bueller.

Just to clarify, the run-ons set the conversational tone around here, so don't be too quick to bust out the red pen and attack my stylistic errors. Here, on this blog, we okay run-ons, we skip out on our weekly posting obligations and sometimes if were feeling froggy we post staged pictures of ourselves.



BAM.

Can you feel that scholarly aura radiating off that picture? Was is the highlighter? Stack of books? Oh, the banana. It was definitely the banana. That was Brad's idea... gotta have that brain food people.

Anyway, I'm back in school and I haven't found a super effective means of  keeping my kids distracted long enough to enable me to do school work AND blog. So until then were gonna have to settle for some shoddy posts every other week.

And just for reference, all those books above are not required reading materials for school, just a few randoms I picked up from around the house. One of those books may be titled The Dangerous Book for Boys and until James Dean and Marlon Brando magically team up and starts teaching I'm not convinced that book will ever become mandatory.

But just so we are clear, if that class was offered I would absolutely take it. Abso friggin lutely.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

ON TODAY'S NEWS...

What can I say, I am a proud wife. I can't help but shout it from this blog's metaphorical rooftop.

Brad made it onto the front page of MSN news. Hear that kids, your Daddy is famous. Excuse us while we gather in the living room and share in a celebratory dance. Should only take a few minutes, Harlyn gets winded awful quick.

What was he on the news for?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask...

 
 

Do you see him?

No not the guy standing there being unproductive. He's the one on the right. The one working.

Also, the one partially hidden. Why am I not surprised, he's kinda shy like that.

But that IS his butt.

Trust me, I know his butt when I see it.

That's him running a jackhammer and making rubble of the concrete. He's such a hearty man running that power tool.

If your affiliated with Ridgid or Carhartt, I fully expect to receive a call from you shortly to discuss endorsement options. Have your people call our people, then you'll be free to get all the pictures you want of Brad's best angle.

No face shots. Like I said earlier, he's shy.

We'll be in touch.

Monday, August 18, 2014

SHE DID IT

Harlyn is the most strong willed baby I know. At fifteen months and with legs that make her hover over most other kids her age, can I hardly call her a baby anymore?

Doesn't matter, I will anyway.

My baby, she officially did it, she has stopped sucking on her fingers and has refrained from hair pulling. Two struggles I foolishly feared would last clear through her high school days. But not this girl, she's too determined for that.

If your child suffers from either of these habits, I hope our methods can help you, help your child through this phase...

We helped her stop finger sucking by wrapping her finger in medical tape during the day, and put her in a night shirt with the sleeves stitched closed while she slept. She made quite the effort in removing the tape all throughout the day, but I was persistent and would reapply it continuously until she understood that I too meant business. After a week of that game, she hardly noticed the tape there at all. And a few times, when I forgot to tape her fingers, I noticed as she would pull her hands to her mouth and decide against it... she truly is my strong willed baby.

As for the night, I figured breaking the sleeping habit would be the hardest because she finger sucked as a form of self soothing, especially when she was tired. I foresaw her waking up through the night with the inability to put herself back to sleep, but happily that wasn't the case. The first night she was obviously upset and confused, but fell asleep after only 15 minutes of tears and didn't wake up until morning. And it only got easier from there.

Because finger sucking and hair pulling went hand in hand for her, as one habit was broken the other slowly went away as well. I haven't even seen her attempt to pull her hair even though it has slowly begun to grow in.

 It has been about 3 months since we decided to shave her head, and I can't believe the progress she has made. I may be hasty in proclaiming this habit of hers broken, but truly it doesn't matter. For her, right now, within this moment of her life, she did it. She found other ways in which to express herself, to sooth herself and to communicate her emotions to us. Hasty or not, I am incredibly impressed by her.

Bald or fuzzy haired, she is our beautiful little baby with a will that makes us proud.




Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A LESSON FROM KHAGE....

Khage: Me and sister and Daddy have popped boobs.

Me: What?

Khage: Me and sister have popped boobs and so does Daddy.

Me: Oh ya?

Khage: Ya, and you have blown up boobs.

Me: Well, okay then.

Nice to know that, to him, were all just walking around with balloon boobs on our fronts. All at various degrees of inflation of course.

IGNORE THIS

No seriously, you should ignore this.

This isn't one of those don't look, even though I am secretly hoping you'll be intrigued enough to look moments. I really think you should skip this one... unless your name is Harlyn.

After all this post is about her first birthday, the same one that happened over TWO months ago.

Told you. You should have ignored it. But now I am hoping that since you came this far, you might as well take a little walk with me. Oh how fun memory strolling can be... especially when its long over due.

We don't have to hold hands, but it could be nice.





Harlyn started off less then pleased to partake in a day dedicated solely to her. My kids are funny like that, they never want the spotlight.

They get that from their Daddy.

She loosened up once the food came out... that she gets from me. We served hot dogs, with plenty of fixins to create delicious dogs from Chicago style to chili cheese, tator tots, pasta salad and coleslaw. Nana baked her beautiful lemon cakes, we decorated with cheery hues of yellow and pink, and I displayed her monthly pictures which only made me want to cry. We planned pot painting and flower potting for her kiddie guests, and it became pretty necessary to hose them off in the sprinklers soon after.

She was gifted with everything a little girl could ever hope for: a purse, baby pram, cradle, tea set, clothes, a doll house, and books. She was spoiled rotten and I think she knows it. Her Tete Cole even made her a dress, just about the cutest thing you will ever see. We are still waiting for this scrawny chick to grow into it, but beware when she does she will be modeling it for all to see.

In true girl fashion, she didn't dive into her cake. She sampled a few licks before she realized it was sugary goodness and then all refinement went out the door. Nothing the sprinklers couldn't handle.

It was a wonderful day, celebrating our little sunshine with a bunch of family and a whole lotta love.

Monday, July 28, 2014

CAMPING JULY 2014

 
We will never take these kids camping again.
 
Never ever.

And when I say never ever again, what I mean is: we will probably go again in a few months.
But definitely not next month.

Brad and I hardly deserve that kind of torture.
Although, our wilderness devil children would probably love that, purely to pang us.

 
Stop. I need to explain this cheesy fingered situation. While we were scoping out the ideal campsite we were all chowing on Doritos, and every time Harlyn wanted another one all we could see was her little orange dusty fingers shoot up from the back seat. We died. All 6 times.
 
And that concludes the fun portion of this trip.
 
Commence all the crying and wining, disguised in photos as an enjoyable family camping trip.





 
Where there is mud, these kids will go. I'm not complaining, I love me some filthy outdoor babies. Just as much as I love getting all Sacagawea on them later, and bathing them in the lake.

 
 


 



 
Do you see how close I am? I think if I were quick enough I could have snatched him up and skewered him. Maybe this one's too cute to eat, but he had a little fat friend running around that I wouldn't mind gettin' my hands on.





 
 
 
Grandma and Pompa even drove up for a day to go fishing with us. These kids are so darn lucky, clearly they wouldn't have made the drive just to smell see Brad and I. 
 


Things I want to remember about this trip:
Once the kids got a whiff on the fresh air they morphed into miserable little people, but returned to their natural selves once the campsite was completely packedup and the fire was put out. oh joy.
While camping, both kids were happiest once when we let them play inside the Tahoe.
Khage zonked out early in the evening, Harlyn on the other hand was on crack and refused to go to sleep at a normal hour. She spent her time winding down by jumping all over her slumbering brother while Brad laughed uncontrollably, only encouraging her poor behavior.
While hiking, Harlyn was thrilled to stop and pick flowers.
Khage absolutely loved fishing, but even more so he just loved playing with the bait worms.
So much in fact, he wanted us to take them home, sadly we made him release them into the wild. #myparentsaresouncool
#getoveritkidoryoucanwalkhome
#whyamitalkinglikethis
#makeitstop

...

Ya. I think were done here.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

TO MY WIFE


Jamee Mae

Thank you for all you do and all the selfless acts you commit, our children and me are truly blessed, they do not understand yet as much as you would like but I certainly see it every day. You have sacrificed so much for the sake of our children. There is no better match for me our are children then you. I don’t tell you enough (well  I've never told you) but if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be the man I am today  you help me in everyway .  Thank you for being such a wonderful person, the light in our little world, the sanity( sometimes), the laughter, and all the greatness in this crazy little home.  Thank you Jamee Mae for all that you do. I love you so much honey.

                                Your loving husband.  

Friday, July 11, 2014

STORY STONES

Khage loves when I tell him stories. He asks me all day long; before naps, when he's bored, in the car, during lunch, while he's on the pot, while I'm on the pot... too much? I always go too far.

Anyway, its kinda our thing. Like a club that only we are apart of. Brad has gotten in on it a few times but that Khage always seems to come running back to the real story telling master. And I loved telling him stories, up until the other day when...

I ran out of stories.

So there Khage sat, crossed legged in front of me, with his eyes burning a hole into my soul, anxiously waiting for a magical tale... I had nothing.

I went into panic mode.

Come on guy, I'm an adult for crying out loud, I am growing out of my imagination by the day. I can't just think up fictional stories on a whim anymore. And I surely can't think up multiple stories in a day to appease his undying requests. I have life insurance, I read nutritional facts on the backs of food labels, and I watch black and white movies... I'm no longer a kid. I'm a full blown adult and my head is consumed with other things outside of the realm of mystical lands and talking animals.

Something had to be done. After all, I didn't want to be kicked out of the club. I have never belonged to a club before, especially one as prestigious as this.

And so Story Stones were born.

Technically speaking, they were found and painted. Never born.


 
Now I just grab a few of these bad boys and build a story around them. Khage loves it, and I'm still an honorary member of the club.  Khage is none the wiser.

Tell me you saw the little house. Pretty proud of that little house, with it's picket fence and a tree to boot. Who would have thought my hidden talent was in tiny rock painting? Is that a thing, tiny rock painting? If so, I should compete.



And people say stay at home moms just watch tv all day. Puff on that, haters.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY... BLAH BLAH BLAH

Lets talk about what's not a good idea:

Selfie shots on your 28th birthday.

I'm old now, and no number of selfie shots can reverse it. Simply saying selfie makes me feel outdated. Stand down if your older then me. My birthday, my rant.

I took over thirty something selfies today, and yup those bags under my eyes are present in every single one.
I turned away from the sun.
I dropped my chin.
I swung my hair about.
And I used various rooms in the house.
But darn if those eye bags aren't persistent.

FYI, selfies in the family room look about the same as selfies in the living room.

I keep telling myself, self your a mom and this is what mom's look like. But all that does, is remind me that my stomachs not in great shape either. Oy vey.


And don't bother asking me about the placement of my left arm in picture 2 and 4. I was going for the casually sitting about while feeling playful look. But seems, I captured the don't mind me pulling the back of my own hair look. There's a thin line and I crossed it. 27 year old Jamee would have nailed it, darn this older version of myself.

And if you must know, I didn't even bother to put on real pants for these pictures. I'm still in my pajamas. My energy levels also not what it used to be.

My face is a hot mess. My stomachs in shambles. And my energy's junked... thank goodness for the best birthday presents a mother could ask for: a reason to never take selfies again.


These cute little chums really know how to distract the eye from the car wreck that is my face.

Don't pity me, just tell me how to stop it.

This aging thing ends tonight.

... or we'll just revisit this again next year.


Monday, July 7, 2014

HALLELUJAH

It rained. In Arizona, it actually friggin rained.
Water, literally fell down from the sky and made massive puddles. And the next morning those puddles got together and called our names. And when a puddle calls your name, you listen.

And sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes it demands you get your bike and ride through it... preferably shirtless and in tight pajama pants.

Well, not all of us got the same request.
It made itself very clear it wanted me: with shirt and preferably in loose fitting bottoms.

Don't hate, puddle, don't hate. Mama's got it going on. But yes, I will wear a shirt.

Now, lets ride. 
 
 
 
 
  
Khage kicked up the cutest little wakes.
His pj's were soaked and he laughed hysterically.
 
I love when it rains. But even more so, I love what the rain does to my boy.