Wednesday, September 23, 2015

false alarm... again

Rohn is over a month old now. It's strange to think it was just six weeks ago that I thought I was in labor. Of course an actual labor took place but the false one was so much more embarrassing.  I am ashamed to admit I was guilty of a false alarm... but in my defense that's progress. With Khage I was sent home twice with deceitful labors. Yes, two times a nurse had to look me in the eyes and tell my to buck up, shut up and come back when a baby is actually exiting my body. Obviously the dialogue was different but the message was spot on.

Hindsight, I should not have fallen victim to that final false alarm. I really should have known...

+ When you stop to get Jamba Juice before heading to the hospital... you are not in labor.

+ When you text a selfie to your Mom and sisters on the way to the hospital and mock a contraction face... you are not in labor.


+ When you walk into the labor and delivery ward and a nurse compliments you on how pretty you look... you are not in labor.

+ When you can happily participate in a labor inducing dance... you are not in labor.




+ When you can do multiple squats against a wall and think to yourself "my form is just outstanding right now"... you are not in labor.

+ When you can jog up and down the stairs taking two at a time while your husband hums the Rocky theme song... you are not in labor

+ If a triage nurse instructs you to walk around the hospital for an hour to induce contraction and you and your husband can happily enjoy that time spent together because to you any outing without kids is basically a date... you are not in labor.

+ But if you show up to the hospital in unwashed clothes, are loudly grunting and moaning, crying ugly, scared to death, demanding an epidural even though that goes against everything you wanted, and all the while wondering quite possibly if your dying and don't understand how not a single person in a room filled with people including the one man who put you in such predicament could not even care...

.... well, then you just might be in labor


...and then you can expect more ugly crying, but at least you'll have a beautiful baby to show for it.

3 comments:

Jason and Brittany said...

I loved this! Thoroughly entertaining!

Lorna Whitehead said...

Welcome again our dear Rohn.

Fressia Vaughn said...

Could not stop laughing... hilarious, as per ujshe